Joy, Scars, Family (Part 3)
by R.C. Cummings
Summary: The behind the scene of what happens when Emily Prentiss meets up with her total past. (This is a cross over to a degree with Rizzoli & Isles) A sequel to Joy, Scars, Family (Part 2)


***Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal Minds or Rizzoli & Isles just enjoying using the characters.**

Chapter One

Jaclyn went to the jet's restroom to change clothes and wash up. She opened the bag Emily had sent to her and smiled when she saw the plastic bag containing her favorite soap and a plastic dish so she could take it to the hotel as well.

Emily always thought of everything even down to wash clothes and small towels knowing that there wouldn't be any on the plane and that the women would want to at least freshen up after days in the field. She started striping the days old clothes off and washing with the familiar smelling soap.

"Smart ass," she said to the air as she placed her old clothes in the bio bag Emily had placed in her go bag.

When she pulled out a pair of sweats a small envelope fell out. Puzzled she picked it up and saw her name on it in Emily's hand writing. Inside she found a small card with a black cat's picture on the front and inside it was simply written:

Thank You Cat Woman!

Emily (QB)

Jaclyn held the card to her heart for it said volumes of praise that she had longed to hear from her mentor. Words were the only medals a spy would ever receive yet they were more precious than any metal on a ribbon worn on a jacket. Those two words were the Purple Heart and Bronzed Star all rolled in one.

XXXXX

Penelope went into work with Jane since Xandy had called Emily saying she had woken up with some stomach issues. Jane was relieved to a degree since she wouldn't have to decipher British slang all day.

"Jane I'm going to conference in Emily."

"Why?"

"There are things that shouldn't be seen and I have to have her codes that allow me access. I will also have to work in an area that only I can see the screens."

"Great… It's going to be like running a three legged race with a cripple man."

"I know this frustrates the Thanksgiving stuffing out of you. But you have to trust Emily. She knows more than she is saying and she isn't telling us because it's for the girls' protection. She loves them so much."

"I know she does and I know she tolerates me because I'm Maura's friend…"

"Hold it right there Missy. She doesn't tolerate you. She loves you as family."

Jane just rolled her eyes at Garcia like "Yeah right."

"Jane… Emily walked out of the F.B.I. leaving her shield and gun in a drawer when Doyle was threatening her family. She loved her job at the B.A.U. and she walked to protect us.

She understands and loves you I know or I wouldn't be here in this police station right now to help you and it's not because of Maura. It's because she believes you will help in this investigation but there are things that can't be seen for the protection of Maura."

"I know Pen…"

"No you don't… you need to sit and have a talk with her and listen to her exact words. Her words are the key into seeing her… more so than anyone I know. She doesn't really use them in excess."

"Okay… I'll give it a try. Set up at Korsac's desk since it is blocked mostly from prying eyes."

Garcia started unpacking her babies and fuzzy topped pens getting a feel of the area, while Jane took a moment to consider the woman's advice.

Chapter Two

Maura noticed Jaclyn heading towards Raphy holding an envelope tightly in her hand. She could tell Emily's hand writing on the front of the envelope. She smiled knowing that she probably had and envelope in her bag as well.

She loved Emily more than she thought a human could love another. The envelopes to Jennifer and Jaclyn were her love's style. This other Emily that set out to end life was a puzzle to her and yet she knew that it was very much a part of the woman she adored now.

JJ shifted in her sleep causing Maura to tighten her hold on the woman so she wouldn't fall. She hoped she wasn't having nightmares, unfortunately when she closed her own eyes the memory of hot breath on her neck and the evil words that were spoken only hours ago pounded her memory like an express train. The things he was planning to do and would have if this brave soul in her lap hadn't stepped in and killed him. She leaned down and kissed JJ's head in thanks.

She thought about Emily… knowing she wouldn't have hesitated to kill the man either… Maura pondered that a moment and wondered if the man's death was planned to begin with. Not by Jennifer but by Emily. She remembered the last words to Jaclyn about "Operation Slaughterhouse apply"…so many questions to ask her love, she hated death's silence but now she understood first hand why some had to be silenced by the hands of others.

She looked at Michelle and thought how sad yet how wonderful and how history truly repeats itself. Here once again they were saving the life of an infant from certain terror by the hand of her father.

"Maura the restroom is free." Jaclyn said motioning towards the back.

Maura mouthed "thank you" and shook her head "no" wanting JJ to get as much sleep as she could. Michelle became fussy in the carrier and Spencer came and picked her up not wanting JJ to be woken up either.

"She needs to eat and be changed."

"I got it Maura let JJ rest. I've kept Henry many times and know the drill."

"Thank you Spencer you are a rare treasure indeed."

The young genius just beamed at the complement as he smiled at the new born in his arms.

"Come on Michelle I believe we can find a good meal in that bag over there."

Maura smiled at the cooing's of the young man as she returned to her hearts thoughts of Emily.

XXXXX

Penelope was finally set up and had three laptops in front of her one was hacked into BPD's main frame, one linked up to Emily's, and the last one was linked to the F.B.I. main frame.

"Hey Em… I have you on speaker phone at the moment. I have linked your computer to mine so anything privet type in the access box you should see right now."

"Thanks Pen I see it. I am going to be meditating but I have you on speaker here as well."

"You go to your beautiful Zen place gum drop it's good for my niece."

"Yes it is... and speaking of said child… I have seen my mother and your wish list. We will talk."

"Meditate woman just meditate"

Jane heard belly laughter from the phone. She hadn't heard Emily laugh since she had returned to Boston. This had to be a good sign.

"Okay Jane hit me with your best shot." Pen said looking at the startled woman before her.

They heard more laughter as Emily was enjoying thinking about all the faces Jane was probably making at her friend.

"Shut up Emily… Meditate like Pen told you."

XXXXX

Jaclyn set Raphy to scanning the journal of Sqar with all the maps and pictures that Afari had given them. She started watching the video that was shot on the boat and couldn't stop the single tear that fell on its own accord when she realized the camera was on and recorded the whole scene of the last hours of the young girl's life.

She shook her head trying to reel it all back in. "Damn… these women are making me soft." She thought to herself. She smiled at her next thought of making a video and sending it to Emily. "She needs to see her girls in action."

XXXXX

"Okay Pat Benatar this is where we are," Jane said to Garcia's "hit me with your best shot" comment. "Nichole Tessler was the nurse that attacked us in the hospital."

Garcia's fingers flew over keys like lightening and before Jane could continue talking she started spouting information.

"Nichole Tessler was born December 15, 1985 in Chelsea, Massachusetts to a single mother Mary Tessler who married a John Haas in 1990 who already had a son by the name of John Haas Jr. who was born June 29, 1983."

"Damn your good."

"You have no idea."

They heard laughter again over the phone.

"Meditate," was said in unison.

"Okay now I need information on the prison guards working at the time of the stabbing."

Garcia continued to gather information but none of it was coming together until the name Steven Dix came up.

"Dix was born August 3, 1980 in Watertown Ohio graduated high school in 1998 and went into the army where he served two tours in Iraq. He then went to work for World Wide Construction where he did security for the company in Iraq and Pakistan before taking the job at Framingham."

Emily and Penelope started their own conversation on the computer.

" _Who owns World Wide Construction?" Emily asked._

" _Daniel Holcome."_

" _Does Daniel Holcome have any ties to politicians?"_

" _He is married to an Amy Cramer sister to Senator John Cramer. Isn't he the one we sat before when you came back from the Doyle case?"_

" _Yes it is and Mary Cramer's maiden name was Haas."_

" _As in sister to John Haas"_

" _Yes… Don't tell Jane any of this. I need some time to set something in motion before she goes full steam ahead."_

" _Understood"_

"Jane…"

"Yeah Emily"

"Bring Dix in for a hard interview tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Em… Look at your in box." Garcia said excitedly.

"Hold on Jane take a break a moment I have to check this out. It may give us all the answers we are looking for."

"For the love of God… I'm going to go get some coffee from the cafe."

"Patient much," Garcia laughed as the woman stomped out to the elevator.

Emily opened the e-mail that was encrypted by Raphy. She saw several tabs one being labeled Jaclyn's mission report, another Sqar's journal and documents, another Map's and pictures, and one labeled for Emily's eyes only.

"Pen… Take me off speaker."

"Done my pretty"

"Put a leash on Jane the best you can I need some time to glance at these files. Reassure her she will make an arrest soon."

"Got it"

"I'm going to have to ask you to log off my computer for a bit my friend. I'm sorry but I will tell you everything I can soon."

"I know you will take your time. Pen out."

She disconnected from Emily's computer and phone.

Chapter Three

JJ woke up three hours into the trip to Tokyo. She was confused at first where she was until she felt Maura's hand stroking her hair.

"Maura… I'm so sorry I didn't mean…"

"Shhh… go back to sleep if you need to… I got you."

"No I'm good. I need to go and change. I'm so sorry."

"Jennifer…"

JJ looked at the woman when she heard her full name spoken.

"It's funny when I'm in your arms I sleep like I'm in Emily's and when you say my name I get calm and peaceful like she is here."

"I believe I have been channeling her spirit."

"I think so too. I started really feeling it strongly when we docked in Pasabandar."

"Go wash up and I will follow you. We smell like a barn."

"Thank you"

"For what"

"For being my friend" JJ said as she kissed Maura's cheek on the way by to get her bag from the overhead bin.

XXXXX

Emily opened the tab marked for her eyes only and witnessed the events on the boat. She couldn't hold back any of the tears that flowed from her heart down her eyes to her cheeks.

She watched the short film again and stopped it at the part where Afari said a friend took a picture of the men who had come from Pakistan. She then looked at the tab that said pictures and saw two pictures of interest one was the men that came from Pakistan and another picture of Bahadur Sqar Jr. with John Cramer and Daniel Holcome in front of the Eiffel tower.

She then went to the tab marked documents and found a contract for transportation of building material from Sqar's shipping company and World Wide Construction with Daniel Holcome's signature. She called Penelope.

"Yes my brunette bomb shell."

"Does Senator Cramer have anything to do with World Wide Construction?"

"I thought you would be barking back up that tree and yes he is a silent partner with a half a million dollar investment in the company."

"Use the code on your screen and get into the CIA's data bank. Tell me what was on the truck that was trying to smuggle the nuclear weapon."

"It's in Farsi."

"Send me the picture and then exit out."

"There you go my sweet and I'm out of the log in."

"Gottcha ya!"

"Got who?"

"Pen can you conference Hotch in with us?"

"Does the Pope wear robes?"

XXXXX

JJ smile at Maura's statement of "smelling like a barn" remembering the last time she heard Maura talking about smelling like a barn.

She looked into the mirror and closed her eyes and in a moment she was standing before Emily in a shower with Maura holding her up speaking French to the upset woman in her arms. Opening her eyes she let the tears roll. How did life change so much in two weeks.

"It's the Emily vortex," she thought to herself. It sweeps in and completely absorbs your life then disappears just as quick. One day I'm coming home to a weekend off with Will and Henry a normal life occurrence the next I'm going around the world to save the day.

She opened her eyes and looked into the mirror, "I feel more complete, alive, and guilty all in one." She thought then tried to shake it off as best she could by taking off the clothes she had been in for three days.

She looked into her bag and laughed as she took the Cheetos out and placed them on the counter. "I love you Emily Prentiss," she said to the orange bag with the tiger wearing sunglasses on it. She dug deeper into the bag and pulled a towel and wash cloth out. Then she saw it… the Yale T-shirt that Emily slept in on their B.A.U. trips. She knew it was the same one because of the pizza sauce stain on the left arm that she had accidentally put there when she had gotten frisky in their hotel room after a hard case.

The memory of that night in Phoenix, Arizona flooded through her body as she hugged the shirt to her chest inhaling the scent of Emily embedded in the cotton fibers. Suddenly she could feel Emily's lips all over her body. She shivered in the atmosphere of the ghosts touching her. It simply amazed her that a memory could stir up so much pleasure in her body.

Recovering from her thoughts when the plane did a dip with the air current she washed and put

her old clothes in the bio hazard bag that was in her go bag. She wondered where Emily had gotten it but laughed for it probably was the truth after three days.

She knew Maura would recognize the fragrance of her wife when she sat down beside her but she knew she would mind. Hugging the shirt on her one more time she allowed the comfort the shirt afforded her to completely relax her before exiting the bathroom.

Chapter Four

When Jane came back with two coffees and gave one to Pen.

"Sorry my Domino's Pizza Noid …no time for the pleasures of liquid gold."

"Who…and why?"

"Never mind and we are going back to the ambassador's house."

"Why are we going back there?"

"Because Hotch wants us there," Penelope said getting a little upset with Jane's impatiens. "You will get your answers when we get there I promise."

"Okay… let's go then."

Thirty minutes later they walked into the house and heard piano music coming from the ball/meeting room and walked over to listen. They stopped in the door way when they saw Emily playing and Sister Kate watching her.

"I see we are playing Beethoven's Melody of Tears." Sister Kate stated.

Emily kept playing for several moments longer.

"My angel who has died… you always played that when you were grieving Charlie."

Jane started to rush in to ask about Maura but Penelope caught her and shook her head and put a finger across her lips to be quite. Jane heeded the warning and stopped to listen.

"A young mother who I promised would have a life for herself and her baby and three evil men."

"Yes… and you know what I'm going to say."

"That good tissue sometimes is sacrificed so the body can live."

"Yes love it's the way of life. Come play your song again and pour the pain into the notes I will be grief's audience this time as I have on other occasions."

Emily started playing again lost in the key strokes as her tears fell. Jane walked towards the piano and understood the language Emily was speaking. She sat beside her and mirrored the key strokes an octave lower. Emily stopped playing but Jane continued.

The music flowed into the air and into Emily's heart releasing the pain and sorrow of loss. She stood and Sister Kate welcomed her into her arms. Garcia just stood where she was and cried at the tenderness of the whole moment as Jane played the music over and over until Emily was cried out.

XXXXX

JJ came and put her bag back into the overhead bin. Maura touched the shirt when JJ's arms were beside her head. She had smelled Emily and couldn't stop herself from touching it.

"I'm sorry."

"No it's all good I knew you would recognize the scent. The restroom is all yours."

"Thank you Jennifer."

JJ smiled as she reclaimed her seat and Maura grabbed her bag to go and wash and change. She entered the small room and opened her bag and looked for the letter she knew would be there.

She found the envelope and pulled out one sheet of paper that had a hand written poem on it.

Behind Closed eyes

Behind closed eyes your breath upon my body plays…

The eternal waltz of love's pleasure giving over to a

perpetual blaze.

The fires of a consuming force to the atmosphere rise…

in an offering of passion becoming union's

grand prize.

Taking your hand in the invisible world of dream's kisses…

I hold it to the rhythm of my heartbeat

tasting the essence of delicious.

Yes… Behind closed eyes visions of beauty come alive with desire…

Dancing on the plain of souls where there is enchantment

I give you my heart the only gift required.

Always yours… Habibiy

Emily

P.S.

Thank you for the new memory.

Maura folded the paper and wiped the tears from her eyes. She was seeing her sweet soul coming home to the person she remembered. She knew that Emily had written the poem because it had her flair of romance. She kissed the paper before placing it back into the envelope.

Reaching into her bag she felt leather, pulling it out she saw a brand new pair of Jimmy Choo's. She laughed through the tears knowing her love hated that she messed up her shoes in the shower trying to calm her down.

She washed and pulled off her clothes and placed them in the bio hazard bag that was in her bag. She wondered if Jane had something to do with the bag but Emily was a jokester too so she wasn't for sure who to blame.

The last thing that caught her eye was the silk red robe that had been Emily's attire the last night before the mission. Pulling it out she rubbed it against her face and thought about the words of the poem and sighed with contentment.

"Soon my love… soon no more distance, no more silence and no more waiting… you are mine forever."

She packed the robe back into the bag and left the restroom smiling.

Chapter Five

Hotch walked in the room just as Emily had contained herself from the grief of losing Afari. Sister Kate saw him and knew he had things he needed to discuss so she kissed Emily on the forehead and took her leave to the rose garden for her prayers.

"Emily… Dave and I have been called back to Washington. It's a go and wheels are up in thirty so we are leaving now. I trust you will inform the others."

"Good… I'll take care of informing everyone. Have a safe trip."

They watched as Hotch left with his go bag in hand.

"Emily let's go to your bedroom you look like crap." Pen said worriedly.

"Thanks Pen… and I love you too." She said sarcastically.

"No… Emily… Pen is right your dark circles are much darker and you are very pale. Maybe we should get Dr. Kate?"

"And I was just starting to like you Jane." She said with a death glare that made Jane cringe.

"She is messing with you Jane besides she doesn't have her gun."

"Pen in case you haven't noticed she doesn't need a gun to kill." The light bulb went off in Jane's mind; the missing piece of the puzzle was right in front of her.

"You figured it out finally haven't you?" Emily asked as she saw Jane's face.

"She's figured out what?" Garcia asked puzzled.

"Something that she really shouldn't know and probably wishes she didn't know now… Am I right?"

"Yes."

"We can talk later but right now I just want to sit here and play the piano."

"Can we sit with you Em?" I really do not want you alone looking as bad as you do."

"Yes Pen…just be quiet I need my private world for a while…please."

Jane wanted to talk but seeing the hollowness in the woman's eyes before her she wasn't about to say a word especially now that she knew Emily was an assassin.

XXXXX

The jet landed in Tokyo and the team got into a hotel shuttle from The Conrad Tokyo. They were handed keys from the driver who explained that they were already checked in. Raphy noticed only three keys were given to him.

"Sorry gang it's double up time. Emily informed me that this may happen due to a big convention in town. Luckily she had some pull and got these rooms."

"Emily has influence with a five star hotel in Tokyo." Maura was stating the fact more than asking a question.

"Yes… she does."

"I'm not going to question I will just enjoy a shower and a sit down bath." JJ said.

"Amen to that. Okay Spencer… Raphy you two are together…" Jaclyn started but Maura interrupted.

"Jennifer and I can share a room."

"Okay who is going to take Michelle?" Jaclyn asked thinking JJ would automatically take her.

Spencer looked at JJ and noticed a hollow look over taking her. "We will take her." He said sensing JJ needed some personal time.

"Okay but if she gives you any issues bring her to me. We will give the ladies a break tonight." Jaclyn said.

"Remember we are still on communications lock down until we land in Boston tomorrow evening. I was reminded of that fact by Emily herself. The information that I sent by encryption today has set arrest in motion and it is in our best interest to obey the lock down.

Oh… and She said to order dinner and breakfast from room service it was on her this time and a job well done to all." Raphy said stating the quick message that he deciphered from the encrypted message back.

"You talked to Emily?" Maura said in an upset tone.

"No… it was a short encrypted message." He said trying to deflate the rage he saw boiling behind the woman's eyes.

He was saved by the shuttle pulling up to the high rise fancy hotel with vaulted ceilings and marble floors.

The good thing was they were at least on the same floor. The guys got the only two double bed room and the ladies got the two rooms which only had one king size bed in them but that didn't matter because the tub is what they wanted the most.

"Who knew that a bathtub could look so sweet?" JJ said laughing.

"I know go ahead and indulge in the hot water my friend."

"You sure"

"Yes I need to take a moment and meditate."

"You know Emily meditates when a case is really hard on her or she can't sleep. When she first started at the B.A.U., I thought she was a robot with no emotions. She didn't react to anything it was amazing and then on a trip to Arkansas we had to share a room and it was a bad case.

Young boys between five and seven were been abducted, assaulted, and killed. She would meditate and listen to Beethoven for a couple of hours then she would sleep for a couple of hours."

"Let me guess Beethoven's Melody of Tears."

"Yes… but how?"

"She plays that every time she grieves a loss. Sister Kate told her of how the American Indians would ask forgiveness of "The Great Spirit" after the kills of buffalo's. They were sorry for having to end life but thankful for the supply of food and skins."

"Okay I get that but she wasn't the one killing."

"No but she had to release the guilt of not finding the killer before they killed again and someone had to grieve the loss of death."

"Yes their parents. Why does she have too?"

"Do you know what Emily looks for in me that she looks for in no one else?"

"No"

"Forgiveness"

"What?"

"I was the first one to forgive her short comings. I love her no matter what she is, does, or goes. Nothing can separate her from my heart or love. Her mother never gave her that. Her priest never gave her that but my love does."

"Wait… what about all the time apart when you thought she walked away?"

"That's just it Jennifer it was still there just under a pile of emotional garbage."

"I'm lost a bit. What does this have to do with Emily grieving over loss?"

"The Emily I know is so tender hearted and loves so much. The Emily you have told me about is one that has layers of defenses protecting that beautiful heart. That heart still yearns for forgiveness and it has to release the sadness some way or it will shrivel up and die.

You tell me of a time when she said she "compartmentalized well." I bet she was torn apart inside but was thinking of what she could do to protect you from the evil you had seen."

"You know that time was my first kill."

"Tell me."

"Spence and I went to a house to question a witness we thought but he turned out to be the unsub. We got separated and I was just the press liaison then. I heard a noise in the barn and went to investigate and found wild dogs that had already ripped a woman apart.

I stepped in her blood and they growled. I had to shoot them all. I was standing in the middle of the barn frozen in shock when suddenly Emily was there in front of me with gentle words and touches.

She came to check on me later in the bathroom and I almost pulled my gun on her when I had a flash back. She asked me "if I wanted to go with her the next day to interview a man." She said "getting out of the house might do me some good." That's when I asked her how she handled all of it.

You are right…God how have I not seen this before?"

"She hides her heart very well… But take it as a complement."

"Hmmm"

"She opened her heart to you. We are the only two that she has offered a glimpse of the real Emily too."

"Oh Maura… I have screwed up so much with her."

"It's okay Jennifer. She doesn't keep accounts. I'm lucky in that way too. Go take your hot bath it's all good you'll see."

JJ turned and went to the tub to run a steaming hot bath while Maura sat on the floor looking out over Tokyo before closing her eyes and centering herself.

Chapter Six

Hotch and Rossi knocked on Senator Cramer's door. It was around 9pm and his wife answered the door.

"Mrs. Crammer may we speak with your husband." Hotch asked politely.

"What the hell is going on here? How dare you come and interrupt my family." A man said coming to the door.

"John Cramer you are under arrest for conspiracy to commit treason and the attempted murder of a federal agent."

"That's preposterous."

"You have the right to remain silent…"

"Do not insult me… I know my rights!"

They hand cuffed him and took him in. Hotch dialed Emily.

"He is in custody and Pakistan has his brother in law in custody. It's almost over."

"Thank you Hotch I'll inform the others."

XXXXX

JJ sat in the hot water and began thinking over the last few days. She could fill the knife in her hand again and the way it felt entering Sqar's flesh. The warmth of his body and blood on her skin and she knew why Emily grieved. It was a feeling she would love to forget but was plastered in her subconscious.

She wouldn't change anything she did because she knew they would be dead instead of him but it was just sad. Sad that evil like that was in the world to begin with.

Then she thought of Michelle and the joy the little girl shined in her soul for just moments. The dark shadows were coming to play the voices again. "You have done some much wrong you can't be trusted with another child."

She knew that was a crazy thought yet it played like a pesky lawyer commercial on late night T.V… over and over. She was thrilled with Henry and yet she wanted another child. Maybe she just wanted it to prove she was making the right choices. Maybe that's why fate handed her this future.

She needed to get a grip Henry was a joy and he was enough especially now that she had Emily back. "The darkness never can stay when Emily is in my life." She thought.

She spent the rest of her warm water just basking in the memory of Emily's arms around her on a park bench somewhere in Paris. She repeated out loud "Happiness is born by believing. I'm trying to believe Em."

XXXXX

Emily entered the ball/meeting room. She had asked Penelope to gather everyone together so she could debrief them on the latest developments.

Clyde came over to her before she could start, "We need to speak."

"Okay… rose garden in five?"

"I'll see you there." He said and left.

"Pen… can you keep everyone happy until I get back?"

"You ask only for the smallest of feats."

"If anyone can make everyone happy it's you my friend."

"Oh my Princess flattery will get you everything."

Emily patted her cheek in thanks and the woman beamed with prided.

"What's up Clyde?"

"You were right on the Interpol side of things. A Heather Crinkle signed for the certified papers of your marriage and adoption paperwork which means that's how the papers got into James Whitlock hands."

"I thought so but now I have the proof but let's hold this under our hat until everyone is back safely. I do not believe it is directly related but better safe than sorry."

"I agree so let's go debrief."

They walked back into the room and Emily explained that Senator Cramer was in custody on attempted murder and treason charges. She also explained that team two was safe and heading home but she did not expand on any more information concerning their location.

Chapter Seven

Emily was filled with so many emotions that she couldn't sleep. She tried meditating which wasn't helping at all. Everything was playing over in her mind.

"Can't sleep?" Jane asked as she came and sat in front of her.

"No… the girls will be here tonight and all of this will be over as far as the mission but there is so much stuff to explain and clean up."

"Do you still want to marry Maura?"

"Yes… with all my heart."

"Does she know about your past profession?"

"It's not a past profession Jane… and yes she knows what I am."

"So you plan on continuing to kill after your married?"

"It's not like I have a choice Jane!"

"I'm confused."

"And you will continue to be until Maura gets back because I'm only going to explain myself twice."

"Twice"

"Yes I plan on speaking with the girls, you, and Pen soon then to the rest of the team afterwards. With this said I must ask that you keep a lid on what you know for everyone's safety."

"Is this why you are so protected by Interpol?"

"One of the reason…yes"

"So your kills are sanctioned by governments?"

"I'm not going to answer any more questions… but trust me I haven't done anything without being told to."

"Okay… that's good enough for me… I guess."

"Jane… I know these last two weeks have been very hard on you and I haven't been an angel either but know I love Maura with all my heart. I always have."

"I know you do and I must admit I get jealous of you at times."

"Why? You could have had Maura at any point."

"That's just it…I love her but like you say about Kia I'm not in love with her as a mate, God… theirs no one on this planet that I love more but I'm not gay."

"I get that. But…"

"I'm jealous because you are what I can't be I guess or I'm afraid you will take my best friend away to Washington."

"Jane… we haven't had time to talk about the future. I'm not even sure she will want me after finding out about my past and for all she knows I asked her to marry me while on hallucinogenic drugs and I've now changed my mind plus I'm still having PTSD's and to top it all off I'm pregnant."

"Wow… your life really sucks right now since you put it that way."

"Thanks." Emily said rolling her eyes.

They both laughed it off a moment.

"Emily… Maura is so in love with you none of those things are going to matter and for what it's worth you two deserve to be together."

Emily smiled, "I hope your right."

XXXXX

The eight hours in the jet from Tokyo seemed longer than any of the previous trips to the women. They were looking so forwarded to getting home.

Maura had noticed a change in JJ's demeanor towards Michelle. She wouldn't hold her or even look at her which was clear signs of grief or some flashbacks. She decided that Emily would need to have time with her to help the woman through the pain. She also wanted to talk to Emily about an idea that acquired to her on this trip that she wanted them to do for the young woman.

"Ladies only another hour and we will be landing in Boston." Spencer said with a smile for it had been a long trip for him as well.

"Thank God!" JJ said.

They all looked at her for it was the only words she had spoken since boarding the plane. She didn't notice the looks for she was staring out the plane's window lost in her own thoughts.

She remembered landing in Boston years ago where all of this truly started. She thought about wanting to help her friend through pain and the first time she laid Emily's head on her chest

and now all she wanted to do is lay her own head on the woman's chest and block the evil and horrors out for a few moments.

She shook her head knowing that wasn't going to happen for Emily would want to see Maura and rightly so but stopping the ache of need wasn't an easy thing.

Chapter Eight

The jet landed as the sun was starting it's descent behind the horizon. When it came to a stop they could see three vehicles. Two black SUV's and the Ambassador's limousine were waiting their arrival.

Emily couldn't wait in the car any longer she hoped out and Jane caught her before she climbed the stairs of the plane.

"I've rubbed off on you… impatient much."

"You are just mad because I thought of it first." Emily said laughing.

Jane shook her head in agreement.

The others got out as well waiting on the occupants of the plane to exit the plane. JJ was the first off just like on any other B.A.U. trips. She came down and ran up to Emily and enveloped her in a bear hug.

Emily could feel the shadows of pain all around her friend. She pulled back and looked the woman in the eyes and saw tears and hollowness. JJ couldn't stop the kiss that ensued. She didn't care who was viewing the affectionate display. She needed the connection of strength that only Emily could provide at the moment.

"What the…"

Morgan was cut off by the slap on the arm Garcia gave him.

"What? I thought Emily was with Maura and JJ was with Will."

"They are… just be quiet." She scolded him knowing what JJ was going through had to be really bad for her to risk exposure like this.

Maura stepped out of the plane and saw the two in the embrace and smiled. She knew that JJ was pulling into herself and needed Emily's comfort.

"Here comes Maura… I'm not going to enjoy a cat fight." Morgan said.

Garcia slapped his arm again.

"Woman quit with the physical aggression."

"Then stop being stupid and all testosterony."

"I'm missing something here."

"Be quiet and watch… and learn."

Maura came up to the two slowly.

"Oh God… I'm sorry Maura." JJ said pulling away from Emily.

Maura pulled the woman into her arms. "Never apologize for needing comfort Jennifer," and kissed her forehead.

Emily smiled at Maura and they joined hands and starred at each other like nothing existed but each other. Emily asking the wordless question of "Do you," and Maura answered with a smile of "I always will and do."

They came together in a loving kiss that spoke the volumes of love that only songs and sunsets give glimpses into.

They heard Raphy and Spencer coming down the stairs to greet the others and broke away

from the kiss. Jaclyn came down with Michelle in her arms. Maura took Emily by the hand and brought her to the infant. She reached out and held the bundle.

Maura motioned to Nathaline to come and meet her niece and motioned Jane to come as well for she noticed the woman hanging back by the SUV.

Maura grabbed Jane in a hug. She had missed her friend and she could tell that there were issues at home as well. But none of that mattered right now because they were home and safe. Maura took Michelle in her arms to show Jane who they had saved.

Emily looked at Jaclyn. They stood there for a moment in understanding when Emily placed her hand in the collar of Jaclyn's shirt over the clover scar. The woman let out a breath she was holding. Then not even moving her gaze she mimicked the jester on Emily.

"I don't get it." Morgan said.

"And you probably never will." JJ said wiping the tears from her eyes knowing they were seeing one of the rarest and most beautiful moments of two warriors greeting each other and comforting each other's pain.

The women brushed lips and embraced both sighing as the gratitude passed from one to the other through the hands over their scars. No words were necessary just the warmth of the touch. They pulled back and nodded their heads to close the invisible ceremony of honor.

"Okay… if Prentiss is through kissing all the women can we leave now?" Morgan said with a cheeky grin and a wink to his partner.

"Jealous"

"Absolutely"

They all laughed at the friendly banter.

"Just a moment please… I need to speak to Emily a moment alone." Maura said pulling Emily to the side away from everyone else.

"What is it habibiy?"

"Jennifer really needs alone time with you. She has fallen into something dark love."

"I noticed and I planned for this knowing it could take place. I have made reservations for a suite for all of us tonight so we can talk but I have a separate room for right now just in case it was needed for one on one talking.

I believe Jane needs some one on one talking time too. We kind of had differences of opinions from time to time and well issues came about beyond my control at times."

"Oh Emily… I had a feeling but at least you are both alive."

"It was touch and go on that one I'm afraid to admit. She is so impatient and whines."

Maura laughed and kissed Emily knowing that it was probably very amusing with the two of them this past week.

"Okay…I'll go to my house and pick up a few things and take Jane with me so we can talk. You take Jennifer to the hotel and we will have Pen join us later so we can have dinner and have a group discussion."

"That sounds like a plan."

They came together in a hug and kiss needing the physical connection again.

"je t'aime (I love you) Maura said with a smile.

«vous avez mon cœur l'amour toujours (You have my heart love always) Emily said and kissed her.

"If you two need a room" Morgan yelled looking at Emily.

"Still jealous"

"You know it."

Chapter Nine

Emily could feel the tension pouring off JJ like water over a gutter stuffed with leaves. There wasn't any conversation on the drive to the hotel only the sounds of the radio on a pop station that neither was really paying attention to.

They had dropped Jane and Maura off at Maura's house and continued on to the hotel. JJ was the only one who could drive the F.B.I. issued SUV because Emily wasn't cleared to drive yet but that hadn't stopped her from driving it to the airport to meet the plane.

Emily walked over and got the keys from the front desk and placed Maura's name on the suite so she could get a key when they arrived. She pulled out her phone and texted the information about the keys to Jane before she forgot and text Garcia the suite number for when she came.

They walked to the room and Emily opened the door and held it open so JJ could go in first. She walked in behind her and when the door sounded shut JJ whipped around and pinned her up against the door causing her to drop their bags.

She planted a searing kiss on Emily's lips that totally took both their breaths away. Emily moved to the right and switched their positions with JJ now against the door knowing that the beautiful woman in her hands was desperate to feel. She slipped her hand down the front of JJ's sweats determined to give her a release from the numbness caused by shock and pain. She wanted her to only feel the comfort of being loved and the warmth of being alive.

Emily understood that it wasn't a moment for foreplay but an urgency of need. She could almost feel the ice melting from around JJ as the woman absorbed every caring stroke she gave her.

Finally the damn broke and JJ fell apart into thousands of pieces as Emily whispered, "I got you blackbird… I got you."

XXXXX

Jane opened the door for Maura as they entered the house.

"We fed Bass while you were gone."

"Thank you Jane. I hope he wasn't too lonely."

"I think he missed you. He refused to eat his Chia leaves."

Maura came up to Jane and wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled the woman into a hug and wouldn't let go. "Thank you."

"For what"

"For being you and being a wonderful friend"

"I see you and Emily haven't spoken much yet."

"She said there were some bumps in the road but you're here and that lets me know everything is okay in her book. How about your book is everything okay?"

"Maur…I do not understand a lot of this and yet I truly see that it works for you. I mean… I wouldn't let Casey go off to a hotel with a woman friend especially if I thought there was any chance they were going to have sex."

"Jane… I have seen the tip of the horrors that these women see on a fairly common bases. They place their lives as a shield to protect others from evil I only thought lived in fairy tales. I guess it is easy to blind yourself that it doesn't exist. But these women face it and only they can understand each other in that place."

"Is that what was happening when Emily put her hand down Jaclyn's shirt?"

"That is what you saw and what the others saw but Jennifer and I saw something totally different. They have identical scars and they understand one another's pain, so what others are seeing as one feeling another up we see as beautiful and comforting."

"You truly are okay with Emily being with JJ right now."

"Yes I am and if they take solace in each other's arms then I will celebrate that they found a moment of beauty and peace in each other's love for one another."

"Wow… would Emily give you the same encouragement if you and I had sex?"

"She would but we both know that will not happen and I'm okay with that. I like being close with you and I'm sure I would enjoy a physical relationship with you as well but I do not need that to be happy with our friendship."

"Maur… I love you more than anyone I have ever in my life."

"I know that."

"I wonder sometimes and even have had a dream or two but it's not the life I picture for myself and yet I can't picture my life without you in it either. I'm afraid she is going to take you away and I will lose the little I'm brave enough to have with you."

Maura pulled back from the embrace enough to look the woman in the eyes. She saw the beginnings of unshed tears and fear. Lifting her hand up behind Jane's head she slowly pulled the woman's lips to hers and conveyed the love of her heart in a chase kiss.

"Jane… Emily has no desire to take me away."

"But you are getting married or at least I know she wants too."

"Just like you and Casey were going to get married. Would that have changed your love for me?"

"No… but if I moved it would have changed the dynamics."

"Yes it would have to a degree… I'm not sure what the future holds right now but I do know I will be Maura Isles Prentiss. I will not pass up this opportunity to be with her again in this life. We haven't talked about plans but I believe she wants to stay in Boston but we will cross that bridge when it comes up."

"Maur…You do know what she is?"

"Yes I am aware of her past life."

"No…she says it's still part of her life."

"That's for me and her to talk about Jane."

"Okay…Okay."

"Do you want a beer? I believe there might still be a couple in the refrigerator."

Jane realized Maura had said all she was going to on the subject of Emily and the future.

"Yeah… you want a glass of wine?"

"No I'm just going to go upstairs and shower and unpack and repack a bag."

Maura turned to head to the stairs when Jane reached out and took her hand. She turned and looked at her with an unspoken question of "Hmm?"

"I like Emily and I respect her for the most part. I'm still not so sure about the whole assassin thing. She is so secretive and quiet it drives me crazy."

"Jane you and Emily are very much alike in how you will sacrifice everything for those you love but very different in how you go about it."

"Yeah I've been told that before."

"By whom"

"Dr. Kate told me after Emily put a choke hold on me and broke Frankie's nose."

"She what"

"Well it was kind of my fault. I tried to punch her when the Falcon showed up one night and you were going after the Falcon."

"Oh Jane…"

"She did try to warn me that something was coming that I wouldn't like and to trust her but I didn't and reacted."

Jane figured she should just bite the bullet and tell on herself before anyone else did.

"Tell me the whole story."

"I went in like you asked and slept beside her and Nathaline and a woman named Pearl showed up one night. Emily said it was the Falcon and I drew back to punch her and she caught me by the throat. Frankie heard the noise and ran in and put his gun to Emily's head. In a blink of an eye she stomped his foot and elbowed his nose all while still having me in a chock hold. He dropped the gun and she yelled for me to get out. That she didn't want a Rizzoli near her until you came back."

Maura busted out laughing.

"It's not funny."

Maura laughed harder.

"Maur…"

"I'm sorry Jane… but you two are like sisters."

"What?"

"You two are just like sisters. You and Emily act like you and Frankie."

Jane thought about it a moment.

"Jane… did Emily make you keep to her threat?"

"Well… I kept pushing the envelope."

"Yes… but she allowed you to do so... right?"

"Well she didn't attack me again or throw me out."

"Then she likes you. You just drive her crazy like Frankie, Tommy and even Angela drives you crazy."

"So you are saying she's like family?"

"Yes…I have popped your nose back into place so many times after your and Frankie's basketball games I've stopped counting."

"Frankie's scared of her now." She said laughing as she remembered her brother's reaction when she asked him to tell Emily something.

"Well from what I hear he should be in some respects but she didn't kill him for pulling a gun on her."

"That's what Pearl said and it wasn't comforting then either."

"I'm sorry Jane… I've been in Emily's real world for only a week and I would be glad she has a lot of self-control if I were you. I'm just glad she didn't kill anyone while she was on those hallucinogenic drugs."

"Dr. Kate said when Emily broke Frankie's nose that the drugs were out of her system and we "were just dealing with a pissed off hormonal pregnant woman." She said "that was scarier to her than the drugs."

"I agree"

"Oh…you do… do ya?" Jane said as she started tickling Maura.

"Stop it Jane remember my wife is an assassin." She said as she laughed harder and Jane caught her in a hug.

"I missed you so much while you were gone. I was afraid of never seeing you again. I realize now what I put you through when I shot myself and jumped off that bridge. I'm sorry Maur…"

Maura reached up and placed two fingers over Jane's lips.

"Shhh… I know," she whispered and kissed the woman tenderly.

XXXXX

"Emily… "

"Shhh… I got you"

JJ sat in Emily's lap on the floor where they ended up when JJ's knees couldn't stand anymore after the release that had flooded her in every dimension of her being.

"Sqar was so evil and Afari died." JJ finally said trying to explain her grief.

"I know sweetie but you saved Jennifer Michelle."

"It is just so sad. I heard Z-man dump her body in the sea like a bag of stones."

Emily pulled her tighter in her arms cradling her and kissed her head.

"Maura says you grieve loss of life. That the music you use to meditate to after a hard case is your way of releasing the pain and sadness."

"It is a release for me."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I grieve all loss and sadness love, even the evil ones. I wonder if they had a different up bringing would they be good or I say but for the grace of God there goes I. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm any different in hunting and killing them myself."

"You are the most loving and caring person I have ever meet how can you ever doubt that you are good?"

"Because I know what I think sometimes and how selfish my desires can get if I do not govern them and keep them in check."

JJ took Emily's face in her hands and pulled their lips together for another searing kiss that was unhurried unlike the ones before. She now wanted to just bask in the presence that was purely Emily.

"Can we move this to the bed?" JJ asked grinning. "I want to return the favor."

"It isn't necessary."

JJ looked into Emily's eyes and at her face trying to gage her answer.

"Jennifer… I am still having issues dealing with everything on my end."

"Oh God Emily… I'm so sorry."

"No!" Emily said bluntly looking JJ in the eyes. "I wanted to give you that release love… being here for each other is what being a warrior mate is all about. I will work them out hopefully soon and maybe you can pizza sauce another one of my Yale sleeping shirts cause I have a feeling this one isn't mine anymore." She said pointing to the stain on the shirt JJ was wearing and smiling.

"You would be correct it is now mine but I promise a repeat performance so you can have a replacement."

"I think I might have to make you give me a marker on that one."

"So that's what you give out to the woman who you fancy?"

"What?"

"I heard you gave a marker of a wedding invitation to a fox in a red dress from the CIA that somehow planted herself on your lips."

"Spencer…" Emily said knowing the young genius had divulged in gossiping.

"Now… Maura isn't the jealous type, but I on the other hand have enough for the both of us. Who is she?"

Throwing her head back and laughing Emily answered, "Her name is Julie and she has flirted with me and wanted me for years but she knows that there is no way she will ever have me. I belong to Maura and you only and by the way… few knew about the… "You part until today."

"Good that she knows you are not available and I could care less anymore what people think. They aren't going to understand this especially since I'm still amazed and confused myself at it.

But I am going to go with it and I will tell you this Emily Prentiss…" She stopped and pointed her finger at the woman. "You better not ever break our hearts."

"Believe me when I say this… I have never dreamed of hurting either of you nor do I ever plan on it." She said helping the woman to her feet as they made their way to the bed.

Chapter Ten

Jane and Maura arrived at the hotel and went up to the suite Emily had instructed them to come to. They found Pen in there looking at some take out menus while waiting on everyone to arrive.

"I thought we could look at these while we waited on Emily and JJ to make an appearance."

"Great I'm starving." Maura said as she looked at the choices the woman had in her hand.

"Look I know you will want Thai but I'm going with pepperoni." Jane said as she dropped their bags on the floor and headed to an overstuffed chair.

"Actually that sounds good too." Maura said.

"You haven't had real food in a while have you honey?" Pen said laughing.

"Well my system is a little off shall we say in that area. Let's order both like Jane said."

"Sounds good to me"

"We stopped and got some beer and wine for our evening but we got Vitamin water for Emily per Maura's orders."

They heard the door opening as JJ came in looking a hundred times better than she did at the air field. Maura got up and went and hugged her.

JJ whispered in her ear, "Thank you."

Maura pulled her tighter to herself allowing the woman to know it was all good.

"Where's Emily?" Pen asked looking around not seeing her.

"She fell asleep after her shower and I was giving her till the food arrived to rest."

"Well she hardly slept at all while you two were gone and what time she did Dr. Kate had to drug her." Pen said giving JJ a look of you know how she is.

"I noticed the dark circles at the jet but I wasn't going to say anything until we were alone. Do I need to go and check on her Jennifer?" Maura asked with concern.

"No… your idea will be the wisest for tonight unless you want an upset pregnant woman for dinner."

"Hell No," Jane said hopping up off her chair. "Leave the woman alone, that hormone stuff is scarier than facing a serial killer."

Penelope cracked up knowing everything the two had been through.

"I'm missing something here aren't I?" JJ said looking the room over.

"Jane and Emily had issues but they made nice on the end." Pen said smiling at Jane.

"I already told Maura about Emily choking me and breaking Frankie's nose after I tried to punch her and Frankie put his gun to her head."

"WHAT?"

"I'll give you the skinny later… it's all worked out now." Pen said to JJ as she came and put her arm around the confused woman. "Now we were thinking Thai and pizza…"

They heard the door knob turning. Emily opened it and found four pair of eyes on her as she came in.

"What?"

"Nothing we were just discussing your people skills gum drop."

"Pay her no attention… Why are you up? I was going to let you sleep till dinner arrived."

"Woke up," was the only dull blank answer given.

JJ gave Maura a quick look to see if she noticed the unspoken words of Emily's demeanor to which she had.

"Habibiy…it's so good seeing you." Maura came and engulfed the woman in a kiss and hug.

"Hello there." Emily said as she pulled back to look at the hazel eyes that owned her heart.

There was a knock on the door.

"What is this grand central station?" Jane said as she went to answer the door.

They all looked as she opened it to a smiling Sister Kate who was standing there with a glow on her face from the hallway lights. Maura looked back at Emily in shock.

"How"

"Mother"

"Maura Isles come here and give me a hug." She said as she entered the suite.

Maura ran up to her with tears beginning to roll down her face. Sister Kate opened her arms and bear hugged the shorter woman with both of them laughing and crying at the same time.

"Finally my two angels in one room again. Now I know Penelope and Jane but who is this one?" She asked pointing at JJ.

"Jennifer…"

Emily and Maura both motioned her over.

"Sister Kate… I am Jennifer Jareau. It's an honor to meet you. I have heard great things about you from both Emily and Maura." She said extending her hand in greeting. She took the hand and gently pulled the woman into an embrace.

"You are a lovely lady with a really big purpose in these two lives. Never doubt that you belong to their family," the elder woman whispered into JJ's ear.

Pulling back JJ was a little taken back by the woman's words but smiled like she understood them.

"Sister Kate… how did you get here?" Maura inquired since she saw no one with her and knew the woman didn't drive herself.

"I flew."

Emily looked at the woman and cracked up laughing knowing she was teasing Maura.

"I think she is the coolest Nun that I know." Jane said getting the joke.

"I missed it didn't I?" Maura asked puzzled.

"It's okay Maur we will explain later."

"No child… a Mr. Morgan brought me by on my way to the Abby. He said to tell Emily "Not to strain herself with so many women in one hotel room." I'm really not sure exactly what he was trying to express."

Emily rolled her eyes and started to say something but Garcia intercepted her, "Got this Princess. I'll make a molasses chew out of my brown sugar."

"Thank you Pen… and let him know that pay back is painful."

"Well sweet people I must leave you. I just had to see my second angel. It has been a most thrilling day with seeing Adeline's granddaughter and now Maura. I must head back to the Abby or they will lock me out and I have left that young man waiting long enough."

They all came and gave her a good-bye hug.

"I called the food orders in does anyone want something to drink?" Pen asked all bubbly.

"I would love something but that isn't going to happen so what do you have for the under privileged and pregnant?" Emily said grumbling at pen.

"They brought you Vitamin water my human incubator."

"Well that's a lovely way of stating it I guess."

Maura and JJ were watching Emily closely. Both were feeling like she was a bomb in a mine field waiting to be stepped on so she could explode.

Emily took the bottle of water and sat in the chair opposite of Jane's. Jennifer watched as Maura went behind the chair and leaned down to kiss Emily's cheek. She flinched but Maura couldn't see it. Emily knew that JJ had seen it though because she was looking right at them.

She tried to recover quickly before any questions ensued.

"There's a debriefing tomorrow at 2pm on everything…"

Emily tried to reel in and cover with the facts of things, but was cut off by Maura asking, "How are you doing Emily? Are you able to keep food down now?"

"I'm fine Maura now that you two are back." She said with a genuine smile.

JJ noticed the dark circles and dullness in Emily's eyes as she spoke. Why hadn't she noticed earlier? Had she really been so caught up in herself that she just didn't notice? Did leaving Emily alone in the bed cause this change in emotions? She needed to know what was happening and figured Maura was her best bet in finding out.

"Maura I think I picked up one of your shirts and put it in my bag do mind coming with me to retrieve my bag?"

Maura looked at JJ confused at first but understood the moment she saw who JJ was looking at.

"Yeah… sure Jennifer"

"You better get back here before the food does because there is no guarantee of any being left over." Penelope said as they were leaving.

XXXXX

JJ and Maura reached the room and walked in.

"Okay… I know you do not have any of my clothes Jennifer so what's up?"

"I'm sorry and I'm not trying to alarm you but something is wrong with Emily. She was okay earlier before I left her to sleep."

"Maybe it's just hormonal changes?"

"Can you call and talk to Dr. Kate just to see?"

"I can but you need to be more specific as to what you are seeing."

"When we left she was very affectionate shall we say even though she was hurt. Now she is okay if she instigates the physical touches but she flinches and rejects any affection towards herself almost to the point of defensive."

"Jennifer she didn't reject your kiss at the air field."

"I gave her no choice there. I was desperate and that was really her giving to me in truth. I think that the drugs she was on masked the real pain she was in before."

"Is she in pain physically or emotional now?"

"Both I believe."

"I'm not so sure about this but I'll call Dr. Kate just to see if there is anything we need to know."

XXXXX

"Wonder what that was all about?" Jane asked after the women left.

"Oh… they probably wanted to get their stories straight for the both of you." Pen said trying to ease the tension that had fallen in the room.

Emily didn't say a word knowing that it was about her reactions. She wanted to be there in the

present world and just have all this crap behind her… but how? It was like everything from her past was coming and being exposed in front of everyone.

There were moments she could be present and wanted to be… then something would shift and damned if she wasn't in a past moment. Maybe it was because everything was right in front of her with nothing to mask it. No mission… no world to save at the moment. No… now was when truth was meeting reality…all of a sudden the world stopped spinning and reality yelled in her head. "You are Pregnant!"

"I'm pregnant." Emily said out loud.

"Yes honey you are and starting your second trimester." Pen said bubbling from ear to ear.

Jane looked at Emily and realized what was happening. She had come to that same epiphany when finding out about being pregnant. She remembered looking just like Emily because she was standing looking at herself in the bathroom mirror when reality exploded her comfortable shell of denial saying "Yes you are and it's real." She had gone through it earlier in her pregnancy than Emily. But then again she wasn't dealing with saving the world before she got to think about it all.

Chapter Eleven

Maura was on the phone with Dr. Kate when they heard a knock on the door. JJ went and opened it up for Jane.

"The foods here and what are you two doing?"

"Maura is on the phone with Dr. Kate."

"Why?"

"Emily isn't acting right."

Jane went over to Maura and motioned for the phone with a "do not ask questions" look. Maura handed the phone over knowing something wasn't right.

"Dr. Kate this is Jane… I'm well. Listen Emily will see you tomorrow everything is okay for tonight… Yes ma'am I am being a brave soul. Everything is okay I promise… You have a good night as well… Good-bye."

"Why did you do that?" JJ asked.

"I was stopping you two from breaking the back of one of the strongest women I know. You two come back all on adrenaline and in sync with each other and notice that Emily is a little off and you fly to conclusions without cause.

That woman has been through hell since you two left. She has lived every day in silence with the knowledge of everything that could go wrong and that she might never see you again. Then throw in the drugs and the threat of someone still trying to kill her or worse in her mind you two. But did she cave in? No she braved up and did what she had to in order to save the world and bring you home safely.

She didn't have much more to give. Yet there she was waiting on you two by the plane and in anticipation of your needs she got these hotel rooms so you could have time to debrief before having to with the other team members. She wanted to be strong and give you comfort for everything that she blames on herself that went wrong and putting you in the middle of.

And here you are having forgotten it was less than two weeks ago she was going to disappear off the face of the earth. Then she had to save the world. Now the world is safe and you two are back and she has to face reality again and without drugs this time.

I just left her curling up in a chair trying to protect her sanity from the world. She just now realizes the reality of being pregnant. I know what that feels like when it all comes and slaps you in the face. I at least was pregnant by someone I loved and chose to sleep with. She has to face the demons of being group raped.

I know she is afraid of being rejected. That has come straight from her mouth. She isn't even sure that you still want to marry her Maur. She doubts herself after all the truth has come out

about her past. She knows her thinking isn't right but she can't stop the reactions of her own body right now.

She's not only going through PTSD's but dear god hormones that go up and down like a seesaw out of control.

Now you two are going to go back in there and pretend she is perfectly fine. You are going to let her work through whatever slowly and at her pace because if you don't you may lose her to the silence of her pain.

She has gone through enough and we all left her alone with Penelope Garcia to cheer her up which I'm sure isn't the best of ideas."

The women opened their mouths to say something but stopped when they realized what Jane had said was the total truth and there wasn't anything more to be said.

XXXXX

Penelope looked over at her friend that was crawling up into herself and she recognized the danger of letting Emily stay in her thoughts.

"Emily… "

"Gum drop…"

She came and kneeled in front of Emily but the woman's eyes were so distant that it scared her. She decided to try and joke trying anything to penetrate the fog around Emily's world.

"Hey Em… I've been trying to figure out how to ask you to be my first girl kiss."

Normally that would have made Emily at least sarcastic but nothing.

"Oh so you are not into the finer side of full figured lips."

Still nothing just a blank stare.

"You only go after the fine perfect lasses…"

Emily reached out and firmly placed her hands on both sides of Garcia's face. Pen notice the woman's eyes were now focused on her.

The other women came in with Jane in front who turned and put her finger to her lips letting the others know something was happening and to be quite.

"That isn't true I loved Caroline and she was like you in many ways. She always made me smile and was amazing. I meet her my first year at Yale and we were roommates.

She was from North Carolina and her dad was a strict Baptist Deacon. He believed women belonged at home and quite. She had applied herself and earned a scholarship to Yale with the help of a teacher. Her mother told her father that she was doing missionary work for her grandfather's church in Tennessee after graduation so she could sneak away to Yale.

She had red hair like Maureen O'Hare and green eyes. The boys made fun of her extra weight while the girls just called her homely. But she was beautiful inside out.

When I meet her she made me feel at peace which I hadn't felt since leaving Maura. We had an anatomy class as one of our science requirements and it made me ache for Maura so much. I would cry myself to sleep. Bella… that's what I called her… would crawl in bed with me and she would hold me when I cried.

She was so funny and bubbly no matter what people said around her. She loved life and found the good in every day. She watched old movies and loved Jerry Lewis comedies. She would sing a song from _Rock a Bye Baby_ to me when I cried. She touched my heart and my body in ways I had never been touched.

She had a gift in reading people, she made them feel protected and knew what they needed and she taught me. She said I had that gift as well and that it was her job to teach me how to use it.

Bella always encouraged me to go and find Maura. But I always knew I had messed up with her plus my mother had reinforced what she would do to her if I ever did.

We slowly became lovers and I enjoyed two and half years with her, until December 23, 1992 when she went home for Christmas. I begged her not to go but she said she had to face up to her dad.

She had gotten a letter threatening if she didn't come home that he would come to campus. She was afraid for if he came he might find out about us and what he might do to me or what I would do to him if he hurt her so she went home.

Her mother picked her up at the bus station that night and took her home to her father who had been drinking all day. Luckily her mother had sent her little sister Charlotte to see her parents in Tennessee fearing the confrontation.

Her sister had left on the six pm bus and Bella arrived on the seven thirty bus. The two walked into the house and into two shot gun blasts that killed them both. He then reloaded and turned the gun on himself.

I learned of her death in January when I returned to school and she didn't. At spring break I went to see her grave. As fate would have it her little sister was there placing flowers on the grave as well.

She realized who I was and begged me to come to Kingsport Tennessee and meet her grandparents who were raising her. She said there was some things that belonged to me I needed to have them.

When we got there she handed me the last two years of journals that Bella had written and the St. Michael's necklace I gave her our first Christmas together. She said she knew I had to be the one she called Bambino and that Carolina wrote to her of me often.

She told me that a neighbor whose son Carolina helped to get into Yale had come to the campus with his parents and saw us together and went back and told her father. She said her dad would yell at her mother "no daughter of mine is going to live as a dyke."

We were always discrete. I thought and thought days on end where we slipped up but it really didn't matter the damage was already done she was gone.

I finished school that summer and with the courage I gained from reading Carolina's journals I decided to find Maura and you know the rest."

Maura and Jennifer looked at each other as they both realized the trauma of Kia's death was tied back to another death in Emily's life.

"She called you Bambino?" Pen asked thinking it was sweet but odd.

"Yes it's Italian for baby. In the song she sang me it talks about Bambino's in a verse. That was her way of calling baby without people knowing and I called her Bella… beautiful. I wanted her to know I saw all her beauty… physically, mentally and spiritually."

"What was the song Em.?"

"It was an Italian folk song called "Dormi" She would sing the first verse in English then repeat it in Italian.

Pen started smiling as Emily fell into thought not realizing she was singing the song out loud.

Dormi,dormi,dormi, good night and sleep well, my love  
Dormi, dormi, dormi, angels are watching above  
Til the dawn on tiptoe steals over your window sill,  
May ev'ry bright star attend thee,

And befriend thee with it's light  
This little song may I send thee,  
Dormi,dormi,dormi, my love, good-night.

Dormi, dormi, dormi

Dormite tranquilli, mi_amor.

Dormi, dormi, dormi

Gli_anugeli veglian su lor.

Il_loro passo_e' lieve.

Come la luce divin.

Tutte le stelle brillanti sono_inconti.

Dal vostrocuor Dolci parole vi canto,

Dormi, dormi, dormi, tesor, amor.

Dormi, dormi, dormi My Love Good Night."

Emily still had Pen's face in her hands and picked up. "Pen I have only kissed four women in my life."

"Emily… Please…" She said not believing a word.

"I have kissed two women I'm in love with and two women I loved."

"Well did you love the hottie in the red dress two days ago?"

"No… you do not understand… She kissed me and if you noticed I did not respond back."

She thought about it a moment.

"Pen… you kid with Morgan and I get that but I can't with you. You are part of my family and I can't kid with you. If I kiss you it will be from the love of my heart for you not because of a dare or cheap thrill. I would never devalue the importance you place on family." She said as she leaned forward and placed a warm kiss on the crying woman's forehead.

"I told you we shouldn't have left them alone. Emily's turned her into an alien too."

Maura and JJ laughed at Jane while Emily and Pen just looked at her confused.

"I recognized the song you were singing my grandmother Rizzoli sung it to me when I was little." Jane said and smiled at Emily.

Emily looked to the floor feeling totally exposed not realizing she had an audience when she told the story of Bella. Jane came to Emily and pulled her up into a hug.

"I loved that song too." She said trying to reassure her that it was okay.

Emily said barely above a whisper, "When she sang it to me I felt so protected and loved. I knew I wanted to be like her to those I loved."

"Em… you are exactly like her. Your love comforts and protects. Maura and I felt every ounce of it while we were on the mission."

"It's what got us through habibiy. It brought us home alive and to you."

They all ended up in a girlie therapy group hug session moment with tears and tissues until Maura broke it up with, "Who's was the hottie in the red dress kissing you?"

Emily pulled her into her arms and gave her a kiss that curled her toes and the ones seeing its toes too.

"She is someone that will never be able to hold a candle to your beauty or heart."

"Charmer"

"Always to you my love"

"AWWW… that's so sweet… we have a wedding to plan and a nursery to fix… and…"

Emily didn't hear the rest of Pen's ramblings for fear gripped her with the word wedding not knowing if there was still one to plan. She held her breath as she looked into Maura's eyes waiting to see confirmation that she still wanted to marry her.

Maura smiled as she noticed the room get silent. "Yes Penelope there is a lot of planning to do before March 7th gets here and I'm looking forward to every moment of it." She said as she caught Emily's lips with a long intimate kiss trying to convey with all her heart that there would be a wedding and a future for them together.

 **Thank you again for reading my story.**

 **There are still mysteries to solve and twist to enjoy but we are coming up to where I envisioned the story would end. There will be at least two parts maybe three in the last section entitled Joy, Scars, Forever.**

 **I realize on my second part of Joy, Scars, Fear… I mentioned that I copied the YouTube links to the music I listened to and that it didn't transfer over. My apologies on that but if you look up anything I mention by name you will find it on Youtube.**

 **The clip of "Dormi" Jerry Lewis sung in "Rock a bye Baby" is on YouTube. The Domio's Pizza Noid is there as well. I just wanted to give you a reference to things I incorporate into the story.**

 **Heads up as well the next two parts will be more intimate and will deal with some really tough issues surrounding rape but I promise tact and a very amazing healing story in that sense. I do not believe a trigger warning will need to be placed on it because I will try only to imply things and I promise to be gentle with the subject.**


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